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[twin_blade]

Um, right.

*BEEP*

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[twin_blade]

[ He might not need to, but he does appreciate that Dion cares and his friendship. When his shoulder is bumped, his body sways back into place.

There's a tremble of his lower lip, and Vax closes his eyes. ]

What's the point? It doesn't change anything.

[ Vex isn't dead, she's just gone home. As much as Vax wanted to see her, he often thought it was better that she wasn't forced to deal with Etraya and Echo and the missions. Maybe it's better this way. He can keep telling himself that. ]

You were brave when Joshua disappeared, weren't you? You think I can't handle it?

[oblige]

[ The question gives him only a moment's pause. ]

Was I brave?

[ Was he? Dion may not have said anything on any public forum either time, but he doubts he had to. He circled around Etraya like a caged coeurl both times Joshua had disappeared, since to do less felt akin to giving him up for dead. ]

I do not think you incapable, but neither do I think it necessary to pretend it doesn't affect you.

[ While it isn't entirely the same, he can still understand. ]

[twin_blade]

You're always brave.

[ Vax certainly admires that about Dion. However, he also knows that not showing his feelings does not mean Dion is without them. He's just good at containing them, which Vax wishes he could emulate right now.

Pushing back from the edge a little lets Vax bring his legs up. He tents his knees and wraps his arms around them, clinging to his pants with what's left of his fingernails. ]

When I came here, I felt alone without her, and then, I think I got used to it. But when she arrived with Percival, a part of me still felt alone because they had each other. And now she's gone again.

[ A weak smile is passed in Dion's direction. ]

Before you remind me, I know I'm not, but now and again.. I still feel it. And in the end, I always will.

[ Because no matter how much he wants to be with her and the others, they're fated to be apart. ]

[oblige]

[ For Dion, who grew up ever reminded that his face was not as stern as it ought to be, it would come as a shock to be regarded as any good at concealing his feelings. It always seems to him that he falls short of the mark, but it's something he'd long since accepted.

He listens to Vax's words quietly. It seems to him that it was correct to look elsewhere. To be watched could feel akin to being studied, and he knows at times even sympathetic eyes can be too much to bear.

He hesitates when Vax finishes speaking, if only because he doesn't want to say what comes to mind.

Even so, he can't escape the thought. ]

Because of what you are bound for?

[twin_blade]

[ Vax got used to being around a group of people who were willing to scream and shout and get real loud about their feelings. Maybe Dion was not as stone faced as his father wanted him to be, but compared to many, he exhibits a type of composure that would put Vox Machina to shame.

There's a small nod with his chin above his knees. ]

I know I should probably be thankful to have had the extra time with her, even if it was just a few months. When she arrived here, I had only just...

[ He sighs softly, his lungs hurting and short of breath. ]

Is what I'm feeling my grief, or hers? Or something combined?

[ He knows there is no answer to that question. But his sorrow feels like death. ]

[oblige]

Perhaps it is both.

[ Between Vax, his sister, and Percival, Dion has heard bits and pieces of what lies ahead from differing perspectives. What is consistent among them all is their care and their grief.

One inevitably causes the other, it seems. ]

It is a blessing to be afforded time such as this, yet it's painful as well.

[ He doesn't think it wrong for Vax to mourn his loss, or his sister's. By all accounts, Vax had clearly been made very aware of the pain his loss caused. ]

I see no fault in acknowledging it. Your circumstances are difficult, even without all of this.

[ He flaps a hand in the cold air, at this world they're in. ]

[twin_blade]

[ The twins always shared a special bond. One that sometimes allowed them to sense each other. Vex always had a stronger knack for it than Vax did, but the bond is there, or Vax thinks it is, even across planes.

As Dion speaks and gestures to the world they're in, he feels his agony calm a bit. Speaking about it almost feels detached, like it belongs to someone else, and Vax can feel numb to it. Or maybe death is a numbing, itself. ]

The circumstances are what they are. We never know who will come or go. Tomorrow, it could just as easily be you or me.

[ It's what they have to live with in this world. ]

[oblige]

[ When his hand drops, it's very nearly leaden. None of them can ever predict who will be summoned or sent back, however long or brief their stay may have been. ]

There's little use denying that possibility.

[ He knows this, and it would be selfish to wish anyone remained consigned to this. ]

I know not how brave I'd be about you vanishing, yet at least you'd be spared Echo's whims.

[ Dion hasn't so soon forgotten Vax's misgivings about their situation. It makes good sense to be critical of the pretext they've been given, especially with how wildly disparate their missions have proven to be.

Still, he'd miss him if such a time came. That's unavoidable. ]

[twin_blade]

[ Dion's statement is unexpected, even if the feeling is mutual. It would be difficult to lose Dion as suddenly as he lost Vex. Although Vax had felt lonely in this world, in large part, Dion's sudden friendship is what helped alleviate that loneliness. It scares him to think of going back to the way things were before, and that sudden fear wells up inside of him fast enough that he has to blink away a few more tears. ]

You would be fine.

[ Vax actually looks at Dion this time, his hazel eyes soft but glassy with emotion. He has confidence in Dion's resilience. More so than he has confidence in his own. ]

Like Vex, you're strong. I know she loved me, but she didn't need me. Not the way I needed her.

[oblige]

[ Dion frowns when he looks his way again, disagreement plain on his face. He remembers well what Vex'ahlia had said about losing her brother, as well as his brief return and the cruelty of renewed loss.

It's hardly enough for Dion to characterize the whole of that relationship, or correct Vax, but he doesn't think those words are entirely true. ]

I do not think she didn't need you.

[ The form that took may have differed as Vax suggests, but Dion doesn't believe that's the same as being unneeded. ]

As for myself... [ His line of sight sinks to the street again. ] I do what I must. But that does not mean I do so easily.

[ Nor that he wouldn't mourn that loss. Dion's simply accustomed to putting himself aside for duty, but he doesn't expect he'd be fine, were he honest with himself. ]

[twin_blade]

[ Vax thinks about all the years of his life with his sister in it. There are few moments he can recall that meant something to him without her there. She was attached to just about everything. ]

There were several times when she said we would be better off going our separate ways and even left me behind on a couple of occasions. In the end, it never lasted long. But I always knew she'd be fine, even if it did happen.

[ As Dion stares down at the street, he feels the gentle brush of Vax's fingers passing through his hair from over his ear to the nape of his neck. ]

It's not easy, but you handle it. I admire that about you.

[ His hand lingers for just a moment before it withdraws. ]

[oblige]

[ Having spoken with her on the subject of Vax more than once, Dion isn't so certain he agrees with that assessment. Being fine doesn't necessarily mean that someone is as well as they could be.

He'd say as much, but the touch scatters his thoughts first. It's never something Dion expects, people simply don't do that. But Vax does; he has before.

Yet this isn't the time to dwell on that, he tells himself. And so his pause is a little longer before he looks Vax's way again. ]

I've my doubts that it's so admirable a thing. It was required of me.

[ Dion wasn't allowed to not handle it. When there is no choice, he isn't so certain he can take credit for that. ]

More than once, your sister spoke of you to me. Neither occasion gave me the impression that she would not have you with her, were it her choice.

[ But it simply wasn't. ]

[twin_blade]

[ As he moves his hand away, Vax notes the lack of response and averts his eyes. He folds his arms stiffly over the top of his knees and rests his cheek there, looking away to another spot in the city.

Though Vax disagrees with Dion's assessment of himself, he doesn't want to pressure Dion into seeing things his way. Not right now, anyway.

When a cold wind blows, Vax's shoulders curl inward, making him look tight and small. ]

Want and need are different things.

[ Vex wanted her brother to stay with her. Vax didn't just want to be with his sister, he needed her. But it doesn't matter now. Neither of them are getting what they want. ]

[oblige]

[ Dion sees that change in posture as retreating, though he's unsure of the cause. Vax seems determined to view himself as unnecessary to others, and that isn't remotely true.

Even as someone who has known Vax for mere moons, and his family for less time still, Dion can see that. ]

So they are. Yet needs can be many and varied. Emotional needs, for instance.

[ As his own were long neglected, Dion can't help but be acutely aware of that distinction. ]

I can hardly speak with authority on your relationship, but I felt she painted a clear image.

[ The shape of that need might differ, but Dion thinks it still exists. His opinion is only that, though, and he puffs out a quiet sigh.

There may be nothing he can say to ease the pain of that loss, but he knows that isn't always what matters. ]

Would you object to a change of venue?

[twin_blade]

[ Dion does have a point. ]

She has a husband for that.

[ Vex has Percy now. It was the first thing she shared when he showed up for their talk. After a year of being on his own in this city, he initially learned of his own death, and then found out his sister had someone else to rely on. Vax loves his friends and his sister, but despite their presence, he still felt kind of alone.

Vax doesn't know what words were exchanged between Dion and his sister, but he doesn't doubt Dion, either. It's just a lot. And Vax hasn't slept. And he's moody as fuck.

The idea of going somewhere else is unexpected, so he glances over slightly. ]

It's fine, I guess. Where do you want to go?

[oblige]

You could not so simply be replaced, Vax.

[ Having another important presence in one's life didn't erase the others. Dion can't imagine it made the importance of that bond wane.

Not that he thinks in this moment that Vax is thinking rationally. Who could? But it bore saying. ]

But I've a few ideas, any of which are warmer than out here. [ He pauses, debating, and supposes he should first ask: ] Have you concerned yourself with eating today?

[ By now, he has a sense of Vax's tendencies. ]

[twin_blade]

[ Percy also made it clear that they were not going to disregard the memory of him. Not that Vax really wants statues built in his honor. But Dion is correct that his friend is not thinking rationally. His misery comes from the pain of his loss.

Dion also knows Vax well enough to figure he hasn't eaten. Not today. It's a toss-up when his last decent meal was. The question gets a miserable sigh in response. ]

I don't want to eat.

[ Maybe he wants to waste away. That would be a poor use of a death pass. ]

[oblige]

I shall take that as a 'no'.

[ Vax's mood being what it is, that comes as no surprise at all. Even as diversions go, there may be very little he'd agree to in the moment.

He lifts a hand and pats his friend's back gently. It can be hard to take care of oneself in the face of loss, he knows. ]

Perhaps my place, then. You may not want anything, yet having naught only serves to make one feel worse.

[twin_blade]

[ Vax doesn't really want to feel better. He wants to be pissy, but it's hard to do that when Dion is trying to cheer him up.

Plus, Dion noted that it was cold out, so maybe he's cold, and he's not going to go inside unless Vax goes with him. ]

Alright.

[ Reluctantly, Vax gets to his feet. ]

[oblige]

[ With that agreed upon, however reluctantly, Dion is quick to pick himself up. He can handle the cold, but there is no benefit to staying out in it.

Once he straightens, he pauses as something occurs to him. That he's contemplating something is plain on his features before he sets it aside.

One thing at a time. ]

The stairs may be simplest for now.

[ Not that Dion has any doubt that Vax can land on his balcony as easily as he can, but given his friend's present mood, a walk strikes him as slightly preferable. ]

[twin_blade]

[ Vax isn't quite sure what's on Dion's mind, but he figures his friend is trying to think of ways to get him to eat something. Maybe he's trying to figure out what's on the menu. ]

Sure.

[ He doesn't mind taking the stairs, of course. Vax lets Dion lead the way and trails a little behind him. ]

[oblige]

[ Food is easy. Dion tends to plan ahead, and what he prepares lasts days when it's just him. He's accustomed enough to that by now.

It's something else that he's mulling over as he marches down the stairs. ]

If I may ask, how long have you known?

[ It's something he can't assume, and something that fills the otherwise still air. ]

[twin_blade]

[ It's hard to drag one's feet when they're going down flights of stairs, but Vax does the closest thing to it without tripping and falling.

He blinks as he walks behind Dion. Known? About Vex? ]

She disappeared a little before we left the Fae world.

[ So that would mean he's known for at least a week. ]

[oblige]

A while, then.

[ At least a week of doubtless stewing on it. Dion thinks it no surprise that Vax's spirits are as low as they are in that case.

The passage of time eased things for some. It made it worse for others. ]

I'm sorry that is the case.

[ For more reasons than one. ]

[twin_blade]

[ As Vax walks behind him, he's not sure what to make of Dion's words. He's sorry that she's gone? Or that he's known for a while? ]

I was going to tell you. I just.. wasn't ready.

[ He wanted to be able to do it without looking so pathetic. ]